Stefani's Story
I grew up in Texas, until the age of 21. When I was 5 my parents divorced, and my father died when I was 12. My mother remarried, and we lived a very affluent lifestyle. However, I didn't understand that my stepfather was starting to sexualize me at the impressionable age of 13.
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Some of the ways my stepfather sexualized me was by buying inappropriate undergarments, such as: thongs, fishnet stockings, and sexy bras. Then he wanted me to try on and model those garments for him. I was way too young to be wearing sexy items. I felt uneasy, distressed and overwhelmed. He also attempted to see me naked by standing outside my bathroom, while I was showering, waiting for me to come out in a towel. As I quickly passed by, he tried to grab my towel. Thankfully, he was never successful. But he would make comments saying, “He had a right as my father to see me naked. This is what daughters do for their fathers.” Other times he would tell me about his sexual encounters and show me gestures. As incredible as it sounds, even as a married woman with two children, he told me how older men like to have sex. At the time, we were riding together to the hospital to see my mother/his wife, who was lying comatose with two ruptured brain aneurysms! Until I shut down communication with him, the sexualization continued. Though I did not sexually participate with my stepfather, it caused me to despise him. I loathed him.
However, as a result of my stepfather’s sexualization, I turned to a sexually-driven mindset, believing I was God’s sexual gift to men. Yet, because I grew up going to church, I had vows for myself. One of which was no sex before marriage. This "vow" caused me to marry someone in order to have sex. When you get married just to have sex, you aren’t too picky about who you marry. I wasn’t. During that marriage, I was introduced to and became addicted to dark sexual behavior, such as: pornography. I had come into full-blown sexual bondage.
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While I was married to that guy, I joined the military. In the middle of Basic Training, I got an annulment from that marriage. I felt free! Which for the sexually charged person that I had become, was a dangerous feeling for me. In my mind, I had accomplished my goal of staying a virgin until marriage. It wasn't about the sanctity of marriage and the intimate relationship meant for marriage. It was simply a check the box on a list of "Not-To-Dos". I had kept my vow; so what did it matter anymore? I was out to have sex with anyone who was willing to take me up on my offer.
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Thankfully no one took me up on that offer.
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Growing up sexualized made me feel worthless, unless a man sexually lusted after me. At my first duty station, I met a guy who paid attention to me, and he was a real charmer! We went out on two dates, and on our second date, he took me up on my offer for sex. As a result, I became pregnant. This stopped me dead in my tracks... momentarily.
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Due to the pregnancy, he and I got married. I knew this guy was sexually driven, like I was, but I did not know how deep and dark his sexuality went. I was introduced to a whole new level of a sex; I had never experienced or even heard of the things I was introduced to, such as: online chat rooms and cybersex. I became totally immersed in this new world. That brought endless opportunities for me. I felt powerful, having guys desire me sexually through the computer. It gave me a sense of worth. That new world and its darkness swallowed me alive. I was lost and in deep sexual bondage.
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In spite of me not knowing how lost and dark I was, a search and rescue team was headed my way.
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I had known Sherry through my mother my entire life. One day my mother, realizing something was not right with me, told me I needed to talk to Sherry and take The Journey to Life. At this point in my mother’s life, she was recognizing her own issues. I agreed and did it. The first Journey I took only peeled back a tiny layer of my life. I was a superficial person, there wasn’t much to it. I didn't like going deep, and I wasn't raised to go deep. So I didn't.
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During my second Journey, things began to change. Truth was revealed. Light was shone on the dark places. It was revealed that I was sexualized by my stepfather. This had caused me to be sexually driven, which then entangled me in sexual bondage. The truth was that I had no self-esteem or worth. I had been treated as and expected to be a sexual object. With no help and very little love in my life, I craved attention and affection. As a result, I tried to fulfill myself by being the sexual object of men's lusts. I felt needed and wanted when being desired.
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The truth that The Journey to Life had laid in front of me completely changed me. I had lived the majority of my life in sexual bondage, and I had no idea of the damage and destruction that was caused within me. Through Sherry and The Journey, I found love and acceptance. In the Journey, I realized the choices I made were due to my upbringing. I was old enough to know right from wrong. Even in my darkest places, I knew what I was doing wrong. I realized my life could have been worse! Thankfully, there was a sexual boundary line that I never crossed. I knew I shouldn't, even though the opportunity presented itself.
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The Journey to Life turned my upside-down world right side up. What I had called "good" was actually bad. What I had called "right" was actually wrong. I’ve changed in more ways than I have time to tell. My Story to Life is exactly as it says: This is my story to real life. I am truly free! I am changed! I no longer dress to attract the attention of men's lustful looks. I no longer need to find my fulfillment in men lusting after me. I wholeheartedly believe in the sanctity of marriage and what healthy sex should be.
Even though things have changed drastically in my life, I regret none of those changes! What I regret are the years I spent believing the lie that I had no value beyond sex. I am no longer a slave to sexual bondage.
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During my Journey to Life, I desired to be unrecognizable by anyone who ever knew me. I am unrecognizable! I am thankful for my new life of healing and freedom!